Fan Fiction Follies
by Gail Cregg
Summary: Written by Mr Thom E.Gemcity. Poems about various aspects of fan fiction.
1. Ode To Probie Writers

AUTHOR'S NOTE.

Since Ode To The Summary was written in jest  
>My muse has become kind of a pest<br>The following odes are stand alone  
>Put all together it would make quite a tome<br>Some are hints for authors old and new  
>Reviewers get a look in too<br>Readers get a special shout out  
>So do not begin to pout<br>Stories might get a mention  
>And people's pet peeves might get attention<br>I am not out to cause offence  
>We're all only human is a good defence<br>It is all done with a sense of fun  
>Mull these ideas over on your next run<p>

* * *

><p><span>ODE TO PROBIE WRITERS<span>.

Welcome to you, to you and to you  
>It is a very brave thing to do<br>To send your work out into the world  
>To let your words fly away<br>Exposing them to _anything_ people might say

So first of all do take note  
>Not everyone will like what you have wrote<br>Most reviewers will at least be polite  
>But some enjoy nastiness on those out of sight<p>

Secondly get the basics right  
>Read through the story again and again<br>Make spell check or a beta your very best friend  
>Even if your spelling is great<br>Typos can happen at an alarming rate

Mistakes found in the summary  
>Will cause readers to wish you to a nunnery<br>They certainly won't want to read your work  
>Will think it's written by a jerk<p>

Read it in the Document Manager at the end  
>Sometimes the website edits out random bits as well<br>Which really can be annoying as hell  
>Long paragraphs of text are hard to read<br>Will make people wish for mead  
>Layout is important sure<br>If you want readers to come back for more

Thirdly and this I cannot recommend too much  
>Read other people's stories, reviews and such<br>You will see how things are done  
>It will help you develop your own style<br>Though this will take awhile

But mostly I say have some fun  
>This is your day in the sun<br>Do not stress on the detail  
>Make an effort to get it right<br>Don't let it keep you up all night  
>Readers will appreciate that you tried<br>And continue to stay by your side

So to probie writers one and all  
>Do go out and have a ball<br>We welcome you to fan fiction  
>More and more of us are getting this addiction!<p> 


	2. Ode To The Sequel

ODE TO THE SEQUEL.

Take an S, an E and a Q  
>It really is quite easy to do<br>Then add a U, an E and a L  
>And remember always that it does spell<br>SEQUEL

It isn't that hard to get it straight  
>Just take a moment to contemplate<br>What word it is that you have wrote  
>Not squeal or squall do take note<br>And what is a sequal? Can anyone find me a quote?

A sequel is not a tag  
>That would be a drag<br>It is the continuing of a story  
>The extending of an idea<br>Loved by readers far and near  
>So if you want to write them then it is fine<br>Just spell the word right in the summary line!


	3. Ode To The Reader & To The Reviewer

ODE TO THE READER.

Without readers where would we be  
>There'd be no point labouring in the garret from dusk until three<br>Searching for the perfect word  
>An original plot to stand out from the herd<p>

From all the claims on their time  
>They make the decision our stories to find<br>Looking for an escape or a challenge for their mind  
>Or heart<br>A story to read from the start  
>Through to the very end<br>Some might even become a pm friend

So for readers big and small  
>We give three cheers<br>To you all

ODE TO REVIEWERS & REVIEWS.

After the reading of a fic  
>Of which you've made your pick<br>It would be so easy to walk away  
>Continue your reading or the rest of your day<br>But so many of you are very kind  
>Leave your thoughts on the stories behind<p>

Reviews help an author to know  
>If a story is 'working' or far too slow<br>Did the jokes make people laugh  
>Or descriptions make them want to barf<br>(make them sick - do you know how hard it is to rhyme laugh?)  
>If the characters are like the show<br>Or if action sequences might be the way to go

A detailed review is by far the best  
>But anything you write will impress<br>As long as the tone is polite  
>It doesn't matter what you write<br>Don't be afraid to tell us what you think  
>It won't drive us to drink<br>(Well, most of us...)

Each review is a gift  
>Gives writer's spirits a lift<br>So to those of you who take the time  
>To place a few words on a line<br>Authors do say thanks  
>Even if it doesn't put money in our banks<p> 


	4. Ode To Writer's Block

This one is for AZGirl in thanks for the idea.

ODE TO WRITER'S BLOCK - (AKA CREATIVE STIFLING).

It can be such a frustrating thing  
>Wanting the words to dance and sing<br>Having an idea but nowhere to start  
>Or getting half way there and not wanting readers to depart<br>Searching for that elusive scene  
>Or the perfect character to keep them keen<p>

It can really get you down  
>Make you want to scream and frown<br>You might look for inspiration in real life  
>Though I know this can get one in strife<br>So if you must do this  
>It can be a bit hit and miss<br>Be sure no-one does find out  
>It might really make them shout<p>

So if writer's block is making you cry  
>Or even sigh<br>Don't be discouraged  
>Just continue to try<br>And know it happens to everyone


	5. Ode To Author's Notes

ODE TO AUTHOR'S NOTES.

If from author's notes you can't refrain  
>Keep it simple, keep it plain<br>And to your fic it should pertain  
>Readers want a story<br>Not _your_ life history  
>So a line or two should really do<br>That's all we want to read of you

Place at the beginning or at the end  
>In the middle won't win a single friend<br>There's no need to repeat the summary  
>Rating, pairing, word count or whatever you might disclaim<br>Notes like that can drive readers insane  
>Just remember that less is more<br>You don't want to be a bore


	6. Ode Against Odds 'n' Ends

Written more in desperation and frustration than with inspiration.

ODE AGAINST ODDS 'N' ENDS.

I don't like taking on a censorious tone  
>I have no desire to stand alone<br>But lately I've noticed a disturbing trend or two  
>That make me uncomfortable as I hope they do you<p>

Firstly let's consider the issue of the flame  
>I'm not here to shame or name<br>It seems some authors have the wrong idea  
>So to set the record clear<br>Here's what they and their friends need to hear

A review may be negative  
>Have you wishing for a sedative<br>Yet just because it is so  
>Does NOT make it a flame you should know<br>As long as it is polite  
>Within the rules it's quite alright<br>Just because it's not unremitting praise  
>There's no need for your temperature to raise<p>

A flame might be rude or crude  
>Written by one in a mean mood<br>Quite often signed by Anon  
>Nastiness and attention this person thrives on<br>Fortunately in this fandom true flames are rare  
>Not many wish to cause a tear<br>So take a deep breath and count to ten  
>If you don't react you'll probably not hear from them again<p>

Issue two is of a different vein  
>Of 'attack authors' people are starting to complain<br>These come in many different forms  
>Blowing things out of all proportion is the one consistent norm<br>When a review or comment is placed or a question asked  
>The reviewer finds themselves taken to task<br>When all they wanted was information  
>An author's clarification<br>Or to express a point of view  
>Sadly these attacks are something new<br>So please spread the word  
>This behavior is just not on<br>Now it's time to move along

The final point I'd like to make  
>Is of author's friends who take<br>Offence at things that have been said  
>And subsequently appear to wish the reviewer dead<br>Well, okay maybe not that far  
>They seem to think posting equals automatic star<p>

Here's some advice just for you  
>That previous statement is simply not true<br>Your loyalty I do commend  
>It's natural to stand up for a friend<br>But acting like a drama queen  
>Or bratty teen<br>Is a most unattractive scene  
>Do <em>please<em> think before you do  
>It's quite acceptable for others to hold a different view<p>

So now on these issues I've had my say  
>It's time to go on my way<br>I hope of these things you will take note  
>And RESPECT in the fandom you will promote<p> 


	7. Ode To The Voice

ODE TO THE VOICE.

As you read through each ode  
>Remember it's not a prescriptive code<br>There's no need to follow it letter by letter  
>The aim is to make fics better<br>By reminding you of details small  
>That when right help your work appeal to all<p>

An author needs to find their own voice  
>So many aspects a personal choice<br>Every disparate part  
>Combines to give a story its heart<p> 


	8. Ode To Titles

ODE TO TITLES.

When it comes to choosing a story title  
>The selection of words is vital<br>It's the first thing a reader sees  
>So authors should aim to please<p>

First and I know I'm repeating myself  
>Take the dictionary off the shelf<br>Errors of spelling  
>Can start people yelling<br>Cause them to look away  
>When you want them to stay<br>You might make it short and snappy  
>Or long but not too sappy<br>This will make readers happy

It's hard to encapsulate a story's essence  
>Make a title shine with a luminescence<br>That captures a reader's eye  
>Make them want to find out more<br>Of what the author has in store  
>So give your title some thought<br>Or all your writing efforts may be for naught


	9. Ode To The Story

Dedication - For all fan fiction authors who not only write great stories but also make the effort to get the basics right.

ODE TO THE STORY.

To bring to an end this Follies collection  
>The most important aspect of fan fiction deserves attention<br>Is it the author, the words or the plot?  
>Oh, my dear, of course it's not<br>I speak of the story aka fic  
>So let me continue on a tick<p>

Fan fiction stories cover quite a range  
>From the sweetly romantic to the very, very strange<br>Tags, one-shots, case fics too  
>School, spanking, series, song fics are but a few<p>

Stories are written for many reasons  
>To sustain us between the seasons<br>To explore a pairing we wish to see  
>Or add a scene or three<br>To send characters where we'd like them to go  
>Or change something from the show<br>Create a whole alternative universe  
>Which for authors can become quite a curse<p>

No matter what you like to read  
>From every day troubles you can be freed<br>By well written fan fiction  
>Some might even call it an addiction<br>So to the story we give thanks and praise  
>May it long continue until the end of days<p> 


End file.
